Spiritual Fiber–Get Regular

Posted on by Lisa Dominisse

The longer I’m on the planet, the more I observe human behavior, including my own.  I’m fascinated by the way we stray off course and with graceful resilience, usually find our way back.  For some of us, this takes longer than for others.  One of the common traits I’ve identified in individuals who seem to lose their true north less often than others, is the establishment of spiritual practice in their lives.  They have a way of putting things in their spiritual hopper on a daily basis that contribute to the connection to self and something bigger than self instead of engaging in things that deplete them and create spiritual fog.

Kathy Caprino, author of Breakdown Breakthrough, talks about her need to be in nature so she will take a walk or go on a hike to get centered and then the next steps, best decisions, course corrections are made with greater ease.  A friend of mine uses instrumental music to create this connection between himself and the Universe.  Dave Ramsey, radio personality, author, speaker, and financial guru gets up really early to spend time alone reading the Bible and connecting with God.  Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, after a big ugly cry on the bathroom floor when her marriage was ending, took a year to explore pleasure and ultimately found herself and reconnected to Spirit.

There are endless ways in which to connect to something bigger than yourself and get greater clarity about your life, your work, relationships, etc.  Here are a few ideas of ways others connect spiritually.

  • Exercise or sport including intense exercise and yoga

    Photo courtesy of Google Images

  • Prayer or meditation
  • Guided meditation
  • Creation of a piece of art
  • Music–playing or listening
  • Reading or studying a religious written work
  • Reading about spiritually enlightened people
  • Volunteering

The key is to “get regular” about your spiritual practice.  Just like regular exercise and a healthy diet keeps your body fit and healthy, spiritual discipline keeps your soul healthy.  The benefits include clarity when making decisions, strengthened ability to stick to a path that is important but difficult, greater joy, increased resilience in times of trial, and personal satisfaction as you stay true to yourself.

How do you connect to Spirit on a regular basis?  If you don’t connect to Spirit, God, Universe, (whatever you call it) what is preventing you from connecting?

Slog on!

Lisa

Financial Discipline–You’re Worth It!

Posted on by Lisa Dominisse

My parents dropped me off at my dorm room, Southern Methodist University, Dallas, Texas.  I think they drove away with a smile in their hearts (I was a difficult teen).  And before I had time to feel lost or sad, I was greeted by none other than the friendliest boy/man I’d ever met.  Being vulnerable to just about any nicety out of sheer terror of being a college freshman, nearly 700 miles from home, I eagerly visited with him and before I knew it, I was a proud AMEX card carrier.  How could I not?  I mean, gee!  This guy was so nice that he waved the $45 annual fee for me just because I was so great to talk to!  And I was an adult now, right?  So, don’t all adults have credit cards?  And it will be “just for emergencies.”

My freshman year I ended up with $1500 worth of “emergencies” and nothing but the freshman 15 to show for it.  Snuffer’s cheese fries were a particularly important “emergency” as was the purchase of designer clothing so that I could feel like I fit in. I spent the following summer busting my tail working as a life guard and walking bean fields to pay it off and make enough money for sophomore year incidentals.  This ridiculous cycle of getting into and out of debt repeated itself throughout my first two to three years of college and even followed me into adulthood.

I completely lacked financial discipline.  I was, and sometimes still am, immature when it comes to money.  My desire to “do it now” or “have it now” was so strong back then, that I put myself in situations that threatened my sense of security and seriously impacted the way I felt about ME.  My drive to spend irresponsibly came from a deeply held belief that I wasn’t enough.  Kathy Caprino, in her best-selling book, Breakdown Breakthrough, writes about the way “money tends to stop flowing joyfully and easily when you carry beliefs that you are bad or inadequate, and you worry about others’ negative opinions of you.”  This is RIGHT where I was in college.  And it might be where you are now. Truth: You are ENOUGH.

Lucky for me, I had the opportunity to go through some major life changing events that helped me reframe my relationship with myself and with my money.  The first was my divorce in my early 30′s.  I finally had to face my contribution to the dissolution of the marriage and the poor decisions that led to additional financial pressure.  That “woman in the mirror” moment sucked.  It was also incredibly liberating.  As a single mom with two kids in my care, I had to get my act together.  For the tactical, I used Consumer Credit Counseling Services to teach me how to budget.  They spent time with me going over everything from haircuts to pet care.  I learned how to stash money away for emergencies and was more effectively saving for retirement.

Not only did my relationship with money change, so did my relationship with myself.  I felt safe, confident, and secure in my financial decisions.  I was making progress, one disciplined decision at a time.  I was gaining traction.

Then, as I started to make more money, I got hit with the stupid stick.  I started spending more on clothes, bought a new car, had to have a bigger house, gave in to the kids’ wants, and the list goes on.  I lost my financial discipline–granted, I could afford the PAYMENTS of this more expensive life but I truly couldn’t afford the life…or I would have paid cash for things like the car.  I would have put a larger down payment on the bigger house.  And I wouldn’t have felt like a fraud. You’ve probably been there.  And then, much like Tom Shadyac in his documentary film, I AM, I realized I was no happier with all the “stuff”.  It didn’t make me a better person or allow me to be in greater service to the world.  And frankly, it weighed me down.  My second, and most favorite, husband (so far) and I decided to push RESET on our lives.  We were making excellent money and it was flying out as fast as it was coming in.  We decided to use the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University program as our platform for retooling.  And it worked!

There are times when I have to really dig deep and find the financial discipline necessary to make the decisions that are in the best interest of our vision for our family and our lives.  And sometimes this is a drag because you feel like a broken “NO” record.  Having the discipline to say “no” now, means having the ability to say a powerful and impactful “yes” later.

Slog on!

Lisa

 

God’s Magic

Posted on by Lisa Dominisse

This morning, I made the trek to school with my five year old (this is her last day of being five).  And as we stepped out the door of our home, she was filled with wonder and awe as she saw the glistening crystals decorating the trees and bushes.  She looked up and saw, what to her was a full moon setting in the west.  She gasped, then turned to me and with the most joyful smile, said, “Mom! God used all His magic last night!”  I wish I could bottle moments like these when my daughter makes a discovery that although not new to me still holds all the wonder, pleasure, and mystery… if only I will take the time to notice.  Today, take a moment to notice the magic in your life, and be grateful.

Personal Discipline–Get Some!

Posted on by Lisa Dominisse

During the summer of 2011 I was in search of order after downsizing into a much smaller home.  You might remember me blogging about the correlation between clarity of the mind and clearing the closets.  I also promised to make my bed, every day, from then on.  Mission accomplished.  I have made my bed every day, for 245 days–okay, I didn’t make it one day…I was in it all day…sick. I’m not counting that day.  What has developed is a new habit out of discipline.  Even on the days when my alter ego tried to talk me out of making the bed, I did it anyway.  I had committed to the outcome, not just of a made bed, but of an orderly master bedroom that provides me a sense of calm when not faced with the chaos of rumpled sheets and pillow mountains.  Now that is a deeper burning “YES” and more motivating than just making the bed.

Kaihan Kripendorff recently published an article on FastCompany.com, that although does not specifically use the term, is addressing the need for discipline to get you through the times when inspiration is waning.  Paraphrasing Kripendorff, initially you have a  great idea or desire to do something; maybe you are launching a new company or writing a book. It’s fun and you make progress.  “Then you hit a dip. Your progress slows, your passion evaporates, and everywhere you look the signs seem to be saying “give up.”  This could just as easily be referring to your exercise regimen, rebuilding a stale marriage, or a commitment to clean eating.  You get all ramped up, prepare for success, and then poof–you skip a workout making it easier to skip another.  You eat a Big Mac “just this one time.”  You begin to convince yourself that no one will buy your product or read your book.  Maybe your friends are telling you to just quit and get a day job.  Personal discipline is what gets you through these times until you have the next big inspirational push.

When marathon training in 1996, I remember getting up at 4:45 a.m. on weekdays, eating the same half cup of Cheerios with skim milk as I had eaten every single day for what seemed a year, checking the weather channel to gage how many layers to put on, stretching, and heading out into wind chills no creature should experience.  I didn’t want to.  My running partner didn’t want to.  And it sucked.  Then there would be the days when the sunrise felt like a spiritual awakening and there was almost a euphoric quality to the hours spent with the gravel crunching under my feet.  I would get a renewed sense of purpose and was reinvigorated to soldier on.  In May of that year when I crossed the finish line under my goal time, it was worth it. I’d done it.  And so can you.

Discipline is about taking baby steps toward a larger goal even when you don’t feel like it.  And there will be MANY days you just don’t feel like it.  It’s about maturity and keeping the vision for your life, your work, your dream, close enough to you that the discomfort is minimized and the noise that keeps you from your intended path is reduced, or better yet, silenced.  So what are you waiting for?  Get some!

Slog on!

Lisa

Shameless Product Plug–Emerald Nuts

Posted on by Lisa Dominisse

Not to put too much peer pressure on you but your next nut adventure MUST be Emerald Cocoa Roast Almonds.  Heaven.  Dusted with dark chocolate they don’t get your fingers sticky at all.  My kids love them so this is a great quick alternative to junky snacks.  And the container is fab!  Fits in a cup holder in the car, screw on top, and easy to open and close even for our five-year-old. We are officially converts.  Try them!

Slog on!

Lisa

 

 

Marathon Training Schedule

Posted on by Lisa Dominisse

Below is a 16 week beginner/novice marathon training schedule for you to use as follow-up to your base mileage build-up.  This schedule was originally published by Gordon Bakoulis Bloch in her book, “How to Train for and Run Your Best Marathon.”  The “S” next to some of the minutes means speedwork and “race” means exactly that, RACE!  For the first race in the schedule, select a 5k or 10k run and for the second race in the schedule, select a 15k to half marathon.  This helps you prepare for the psychological aspects of the race.  It’s also fun and breaks the monotony of the training.

Speedwork is nothing to be afraid of.  I will post workouts you can use, however, you may be able to find fun alternatives on your favorite running websites and blogs.  Good luck with your training!

WEEK DAY 1 DAY 2 DAY 3 DAY 4 DAY 5 DAY 6 DAY 7 TOTAL
1 35 45 70 off 45 off 105 300
2 35 45S off 70 45 off 115 310
3 35 45 70 off 45S off 125 320
4 35 45 off 75 45 off 135 335
5 35 45S off 80 45 off 120 325
6 35 50 off 75 45S off 150 355
7 35 50 off 80 35 off race 200 + race
8 off 50 85 off 45 off 165 345
9 35 45S off 85 50 off 125 340
10 35 off 85 35 45S off 180 380
11 35 50 off 85 35 off race 205 + race
12 off 50 90 off 50 off 195 385
13 35 50S off 90 45 off 130 350
14 35 90 off 50S 45 off 180 400
15 35 50 off 80 45 off 110 320
16 35 35S off 35 off 20 marathon 125 + marathon

Slog on!

Lisa

16 Weeks: Betrayal. It’s a Good Thing?

Posted on by Lisa Dominisse

I see her almost daily.  She drives by me as I walk with my coffee in hand, steam rising in the chilled morning air.  We pass in our daily round of dropping kids off at various schools.  She offers a “cross the body wave” and a slight smile.  I wave back forcing an over exaggerated expression of joy in seeing her.  Each time I see her I feel a twinge of pain in my gut.  I confided in her.  Placed my personal trust and faith in her.  Espoused her great qualities and trustworthiness to those around me.  And she betrayed me.

Have you ever been betrayed–by a lover, a friend, a family member, a work colleague, a boss?  It can be excruciating and can be a life derailer that holds you hostage and prevents you from fulfilling your potential.  You begin to behave in ways that are counter to what you really want.  For example, your lover cheats on you and every lover you take after that, in your mind, is a cheater too and you behave in ways that make it difficult for people to love you fully–you do not let anyone get that close to you again.  Or, you have a work colleague who throws you under the bus and ultimately you lose your job.  You then may struggle with building bonds in the workplace at future jobs and this leads to a career stalling out.  There are as many scenarios as there are people and most likely, if you’re breathing, you’ve been betrayed at one time or another in your life and have your own story.

What if we looked at betrayal as a gift? What if betrayal is something to be grateful for because it shocks us into awareness and expedites our exit out of toxic situations?  Betrayal does not have to derail you. You have the power to use it as a catalyst for change and to propel yourself forward merely by looking at it differently.

In my case, the woman who betrayed me also  liberated me and for that, I thank her.

Slog on!

Lisa

 

16 Weeks: Here & Now–Being Present

Posted on by Lisa Dominisse

For years spiritual leaders have been telling us we need to learn to be present in our own lives. Live in the now. Be fully present in the moment. I’ve listened to what they were saying. I’ve agreed. I’ve occasionally even resolved to live more “presently”…at least for that moment. And then, my ego kicks in and I begin planning and preparing for the future, working to move beyond the past and I utterly lose the in-between. I lose the present.

I’ve lost so much of the present over time that I have less and less past to draw upon. There are huge blanks in my life. Conversations I don’t remember. Events, even, that are completely lost. Faces with no names. When I first became aware of these “gaps” I explained them away—too busy, never happened, figments of my imagination, multi-tasking. Then, for a while I seriously thought I may be experiencing early onset Alzheimer’s. And finally, I realized, I just wasn’t paying attention. My body was moving through time, having experiences, and I wasn’t present for them. I was checked out of the present in pursuit of the future or in service to the past. Weird—I know. And unfulfilling.

I’m a work in progress so am still learning to be present in my life. I am learning and it’s amazing just how much your memory improves when you are fully in the moment. The sensory parts of life are augmented—color is more vibrant, sound more amplified and beautiful, taste is enhanced. However, the most amazing thing is my connection to the people I care most about has improved and become rewarding in ways I never imagined.

My challenge to you in 2012? Be present.

Slog on!

Lisa

16 Weeks The FINAL Week

Posted on by Lisa Dominisse

Here it is.  Week 16.  Wow!  We survived inclement weather, the holidays, work and family commitments to arrive at the final week of our base mileage build-up.  Here is the final week’s schedule.

  • Day 1–35 min. run
  • Day 2–45 min. run
  • Day 3–70 min. run
  • Day 4–REST
  • Day 5–45 min. run
  • Day 6–REST
  • Day 7–105 min. long run

At the end of this week we’ll have gone from running 1.5 hours per week to running 5 hours per week in 16 weeks.  That is AMAZING!  If you’re so inclined, you’re ready to start marathon training.  Be thinking about what marathon would be fun for you.  The marathon build up and taper to the race is 16 weeks and adds to the mileage you have achieved as of week 16 in this base mileage program. Think about it!  Not everyone can say they’ve run a marathon.

Slog on!

Lisa

2012 New Year Reflection & Planning Tool

Posted on by Lisa Dominisse

This End of Year / New Year Reflection and Planning Tool is a gift that was generously shared with me by Dr. Laura Belsten of the Institute of Social + Emotional Intelligence.  My husband and I have decided to use this as our tool to get on the same page for 2012.  You can use this in relation to home, the office, yourself, your relationships, etc.  I hope you find it as useful as I do.  Journal your answers to the questions and work your way through to the end.  You don’t need to complete this in one sitting.  Consider tackling a question every day or so and completing it fully by the end of January.  Good luck and happy planning!

End of Year / New Year Reflection and Planning

Below are twelve questions you may find helpful as you reflect on this past year and plan for the new. Remember:

Don’t put limits on yourself.
Your dreams are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important to leave to chance.  Life is, too.
Reach for your peak, your goal, your prize.
K.I.S.S. – “Keep it Super Simple”

The Questions (you may wish to journal your responses)

  1. As you reflect on this past year, what were your accomplishments, successes, breakthroughs, and/or achievements?  Please don’t skimp on these.  Make the list as long as necessary.  The little stuff counts.  NO modesty allowed.  It’s important to acknowledge and validate ALL your accomplishments.  Look through your organizer, your journal (if you keep one), memos, notes, letters, notes from our coaching calls, whatever might help to remind you
  1. Looking back over the year, what were your disappointments or the things you had hoped to accomplish but didn’t get to?  Please make a list.  It’s important to acknowledge these issues as well, as this is an ideal time to either let them go, carry them forward to continue addressing them (perhaps in new ways or with renewed vigor), or make a new promise.  Also note what (if anything) blocked or held you back from your goals/objectives, or contributed to your disappointments.
  2. What have you learned about yourself and your life?  What insights have you gained?  Insights can shift us to a new, more alive place, helping us be more intentional and authentic in living our lives.  What insights have you gained?
  1. What are you grateful for?  This list might include some of the above and anything else you truly appreciate about yourself and your life.  A sage once said there is a basic principle in life:  whatever you appreciate and give thanks for will increase in your life. 
  1. How about a celebration in honor of your accomplishments this year?  What would be a fun, special thing to do for yourself?
  1. What is your theme or vision for the New Year?  This is not about resolutions or specific goals with “do by” dates.  This is your vision or dream for the upcoming year.  What do you feel energy and excitement for?  What engages your imagination and feels compelling?  What do you really want out of life this year?
  1. As you look ahead to the new year, what are your three or four most significant goals?  You can have more if you wish.  Some people like to think in terms of setting goals in the following seven major areas of life:
  • Career and professional development (workshops, classes, books to read and expand your thinking?  Are you thinking of a promotion or new position?  Perhaps a new career?  Or even starting your own business?  Maybe even retiring?  What legacy do you want to leave?)
  • Finances (what are your financial goals, like a certain amount of additional savings by the end of the year, learning new ways of investing, and other short-term and long-term financial goals?)
  • Spouse, significant other or soul mate (what relationship is most important to you?  How can you keep the love and romance alive in your life?)
  • Personal and spiritual development (how do you engage in renewal?  What are your hobbies or special interests beyond work that keep you alive and interesting?)
  • Health and wellness (what are your plans for fitness, vitamins and other healthful supplements, the right eating plan, your “Ten Daily Habits,”  for feeling strong, healthy, and “good in your skin”?)
  • Fun and recreation (what fabulous adventures would you like to go on this year?  What fun, memorable and mind-expanding trips?  What else can you do to enjoy life, re-new and “re-create”?)
  • Family and friends (they say “life is a journey” – who do you want along with you?  Interestingly, we get to choose to a greater extent than we may realize.  Who do you most want to spend time with?  How can you nurture the most important relationships?  And there are probably individuals whose paths you’ve crossed whom you’d like to get to know better or get closer to.  Identify them, and make a plan . . .  )
  1. What are the top two or three things about your job or career that you most want to be different in 2012?  What, specifically, will you do to make the change?  What will “better” look like?  What resources do you need?  Who can help you get there?
  1. What two or three changes do you most want to see in your personal life?  What will you do first to bring about these changes?  And then?  And then?  How will you know when you’ve achieved it?  How will your life be better or more fulfilled?  Envision it.
  1. What are you tolerating?   Make a list – even little things like a broken windshield or a missing jacket button sap a little energy each time you notice them, and cumulatively, they add up to feelings of frustration, diminishing (to some extent) our enjoyment of life.  Make a list of what you are tolerating (some people have 40-50 things on their lists – an annoying spot on the carpet, a disorganized closet or car, a cluttered office or desk), and systematically, one-by-one, start whittling your tolerations list.  You’ll be amazed how good you feel, and how much more energy you’ll have, when your tolerations list is whittled down to zero.
  1. What do you need to tell yourself every day?  We all have a gremlin or two – those little voices in our heads that tell us we can’t do it, or we’re not good enough.  We ARE good enough.  What mantra or self-affirming statements can you instill in your daily internal dialogue to replace the negative?
  1. What actions will you take to reach your goals and objectives in 2012?  What problems do you need to resolve?  What do you need to let go of?  And what actions will you take?  Test your plans by running them through the DREAM cycle:
    • D – Discipline!  Do you have it?  To sustain and live the life you want, you need it.
    • R – Realism!  It is essential for success.  Are your goals realistic?
    • E – Essence!  Are your goals about what you really want?  Or are they what you think you should want (or what someone else wants)?
    • A – Action!  Will you commit to taking action every day?
    • M – Motivation!  Is what you want aligned with what you value?

This exercise is designed to help you design and create your own life experience, take charge, gain clarity about what’s important and what you want, and get into action.  Remember, life rewards action.  Do some careful reflection and thinking, make sound decisions and then go for it.  Someone once said, “an ounce of action is worth more than a ton of thinking.”  Name it, then claim it.

Remember:  Your life is an adventure, a journey through time. There are no lasting arrival points and few lasting endings.  Learn how to say “hello” and “good-bye” with grace and style.   Everything is flow — you just keep moving, day by day, and week by week, following your internal compass for adventuring through the journey of ninety years or more.

It is as if you live on a boat in a river, sometimes riding in whitewater and sometimes flowing through calm waters.  The best way to navigate your life through infinite change is to follow your own values and vision.  Like a rudder, your values will keep you on a course your integrity prefers.  Like a sail, your vision will pull you ahead into legitimate expectations.

Your best future happens when you have the courage to be:  reach, learn, risk, dare, leap.  Embrace the unknown ahead.  Live on the outer edge of your possibilities, not on the inner edge of your security.  Be active, not passive.

Here is how to conduct your journey:   Have a long-term purpose with short-term goals.  Review your goals regularly.  Be definite and flexible at the same time. Trust the river but stay in charge of your boat.

And finally, refuse to be defined and consumed by your career or work.   It’s an important part of the whole journey, but it’s not the journey itself.

I hope this exercise will help you gain clarity on what you want to achieve in 2012.  The next step is to develop the strategies and actions that will move you to reaching your goals.   Let’s prepare to make 2012 your most rewarding and fulfilling year on your journey.

All the best,  Laura A. Belsten, PhD

Thanks for sharing, Laura!

Slog on!

Lisa